Why Accepting Your Flaws Might Make You Happier Than Trying to Fix Them
“An individual’s acceptance of all of their attributes, positive or negative” is the definition of self-acceptance. When we accept who we are, we take not only the “positive” aspects of who we are but the whole person! Unconditional acceptance of oneself allows one to acknowledge one’s flaws while accepting oneself completely. Self-accepting means that you are content with your identity despite your shortcomings and past decisions. Self-acceptance, according to Meghan Marcum, PsyD, Head psychologist at AMFM Healthcare, is the capacity to accept both your shortcomings and your talents without passing judgment.
Happiness and self-acceptance are correlated; the more accepting of who you are, the more happiness you accept and experience. A reduction in depression symptoms, the need for approval from others, fear of failing, and self-criticism, as well as an increase in happy feelings, a sense of independence, autonomy, self-worth, and self-esteem are additional advantages. You might expect your mental health to deteriorate if you lack self-acceptance.
According to research, having a high degree of self-acceptance might also make it easier to focus on one’s positive traits and increase the chance of practicing self-love behaviours.
Self-acceptance is another name for self-love.
Darius Foroux, in his article ‘To become great, embrace your flaws’ article said that if you are always running for perfection, you will be far away from unconditional love and well-being. According to him, perfection is an illusion constructed by humans that creates more angst and sadness than joy. Sometimes this is exhausting, therefore, instead of trying to be perfect, we will try for excellence. Self-acceptance is the process of loving oneself with flaws irrespective of the conditions and getting over the belief to be perfect always at any cost. Once you can do so despite having limitations. Flaws and failures, you will find your imperfections as ‘perfect’.
A transformational metaphor for life
While talking about self-acceptance and self-help, we can mention a centuries-old Japanese tradition – known as kintsugi. This tradition speaks about mending broken ceramics with gold. In this tradition, instead of dismissing the broken pottery pieces as junk, it is considered more beautiful. Kintsugi, with its literal meaning ‘golden journey’ is the art of repairing cracked pottery with golden glue. The golden glue joins the broken pieces together and accentuates the imperfections beautifully and uniquely.
The philosophy behind this tradition is valuing the imperfections of an object, and its beauty and celebrating both. It helps create a stronger and more beautiful art piece by embracing imperfections and flaws.
You can perceive this ancient concept as a metaphor for transforming the flawed, broken, and painful parts of self so they can radiate their unique golden beauty. This is a valuable lesson for self-love, and self-acceptance when you should mend your mind and heal the body by nurturing body, mind, and soul.
Understanding the Flaws Paves the Path to Greatness
Sharon Martin, in her article in Psychology Today, has said that no one is perfect and it is unrealistic. Making mistakes is normal and we often overjudge ourselves, too harshly, for being an imperfect human.
We also judge others as perfect and start becoming harsh on ourselves. It is the time when we see ourselves as inadequate while comparing to others. So it is good not to fall prey to the ‘compare and despair’ prey.
What if we start embracing our weaknesses and flaws? Interestingly, we will find that no longer you are trying to fit into others’ expectations and wasting your time to impress others. You are now using all your energy for your life goals and achievements. That is all, we just need to be simple human beings – will all the ups and downs, imperfections as well as perfections.
Eye on Self-reinvention
Giving up the rat race, accepting the reality, and having the courage to be disliked – all these will lead you to self-reinvention which will eventually transform into self-acceptance and self-love.
Oliver Burkeman, in his study in The Guardian, has said that perfectionism stops us from showing authenticity as we are busy perfecting, pleasing, and proving ourselves. Ironically, being an imperfect person makes us relatable and real.
Harvard Medical School pointed out that a lack of self-acceptance can be damaging to your psychological well-being. A 2014 study observed that low self-esteem and a negative view of oneself can lower gray matter levels in parts of the brain that manage stress and control emotions.
A sense of well-being and happiness can result from accepting who you are. Conversely, low self-confidence and an unfavourable self-perception can lead to low self-acceptance and an increased vulnerability to mental health issues including anxiety and depression. Thankfully, there are actions you can do to encourage acceptance of who you are. Above all, forgive yourself for your faults; this is more important than blaming yourself for events beyond your control and concentrating on your strengths.
References
Want to transform your life? Stop chasing perfection by Oliver Burkeman
‘Embrace Your Imperfections, Free yourself from the need to be perfect’ in Psychology Today by Sharlin Martin
To Become Great, Embrace Your Flaws by Darius Foroux
Happy Ever After: Escaping the Myth of the Perfect Life by Paul Dolan
Embracing Imperfection: A Key to Total Self-Love by Dr. Whitney Gordon-Mead, A self-actualization coach